Salon Rising: The Podcast

Transcript 

Grief is such like a deep emotion and I think if you don't talk to someone about it, you will carry it through with you for the rest of your life. You knew how you wanted people to nurture you in your grief and therefore you were able to nurture others in their grief. People aren't going to cope or deal with things the same way that you will and that's okay.

If you fall over and break your leg, no one is going to judge you if you go to the hospital and get a cast on it, right? Because something needs support. Your bone needs support to heal and it's exactly the same when it comes to, you know, Emotion and mental health. And I'm all about, let's rip the bandaid off, like we need to rip the bandaid off.

This has been one of the biggest strengths that I've seen in you is your ability to have, through all of this, to like, keep showing up in moments of joy, even when you don't want to. Hand over heart, if I hadn't learned the tools off you in the last two years, I would have been fucked. But again, it shows the testament to who you are as a leader and how you lead your family because the first person that they wanted to be with in this instance was you.

You just like saved me through that. I feel like I think we saved each other. You were my mentor, but you became my friend and you helped me through that. So for anyone listening, if you're in the thick of it, there is the other side. Hey lovers, just a quick one. If you listen to us and you love us. Could you please hit that subscribe button?

I know it's a pain, but that little button means the world to us and our podcast and means that we can get more great guests on like we know you guys love listening to. So do a girl a favor, hit subscribe, and we would be so grateful. We just wanted to say a massive thank you to our podcast sponsor Kevin Murphy distributed by Ozdare and Thank them for being the most amazing brand partner for Salon Rising This brand is truly incredible and we are so excited to work alongside you Welcome back to Salon Rising, the podcast.

A little tired this morning, Sam. Oh, it was a weekend. Wasn't it? So we have just come off our Mastermind retreat. So our Mastermind is salon owners that we've worked with together for an entire year. For an entire year. Um, by the end of this year, an entire year. And we ran our very first retreat. And I will say it was a huge success.

I think it was a huge success. We'll, we'll check in with one of our guests and make sure it was a huge success, but we had the most amazing weekend. And then we wanted to go to bed early enough last night. So we got into bed at 11 and then Jen and I laid in bed and talked like two best friends for till 2am.

We had a sleepover. We had a sleepover and we, it's been a long time. Everyone said, like our girlfriend just said, like, Don't you see each other all the time and it's just like we see each other and work and then we move on. So it's very nice just to lie there and talk shit last night. Yeah, but all in all, I mean, we've got feedback from the crew, but I think it was a really successful weekend.

I laugh. We did laugh. A lot. Well we laughed a lot, but thinking going into the weekend that perhaps we were going to run out of things to talk about. Oh I thought to myself, like what's going to happen if this is like uncomfortable silences and there's no conversation. And literally it was like there was not enough time to get our words in.

It was blurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbleurbl. We're hair dressers, like there is never enough time to get our words in, ever. But it was the most like wholesome, connected, Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful weekend that I will touch on. It was the best weekend ever.

Yes. So I think we need to introduce the little voice that's coming. The little voice that's coming here, so I'm going to introduce her because I get to do that. So everybody, this is Lauren Loz, our lady, from the Young Blonde in Sydney and one of my like closest, dearest friends, but also one of my most amazing clients.

And you have been in our mastermind now for 12 months. So we've worked together now for Um, and also Lauren's been on our podcast before. Yeah. So this is second time coming and the first podcast we did. Not in person. It was, um, over the phone and it was still, I remember like right at a pinnacle moment when we're all crying and then the audio cut out and I was just like, but it was one of the most, um, one of our most loved and successful episodes.

And you said you were so humbled by how many people. Yeah, it was like really beautiful. Like the people that reached out such a powerful story. It is. Yeah. And I think sometimes, you know, you can go through things in life and everyone can think that your life is like perfect from the outside, you know, social media can make that.

But when, you know, you actually. Tell your story to people who don't know it. They're like, holy crap, like everyone's going through, you know, horrible things and it makes you just feel a little bit lighter about your own life, right? Yeah, absolutely. If anyone is listening to this and hasn't listened to the first, I think it was episode, I'd have to look back onto it.

Jen can put it in the show notes. Yeah. Listen to that episode first, because fuck, if we thought that episode was like powerful and there was a lot going on, the last 12 months have certainly showed that that episode was a fucking walk in the park. Yeah. Sorry. Um, like nobody, if anyone is out there listening and is going through stuff with their lives and salons right now, this will make you feel very like.

humbled in being like, okay, I've got this. We're good. Let's move forward. Because your journey over the last 12 months of what you have endured and suffered. And as a, as a woman, but as a business owner and having the things that have happened, you've had one of my worst fears happen to you. Yeah. Um, and you've been able to kind of move through it and, and.

I'm sitting here. Yeah. Yeah. I'm alive. Yeah. I made it out the other side and I think like that's like a big topic to talk about today through grief is, you know, strength and resilience. Like we're human, we can do anything. Um, and yeah, I'm excited to talk about that. Yeah. Okay. So let's set up the story. So I remember sitting at dinner.

So we've got our mastermind, um, and we've worked closely and you were, it was a bit of a week for you that week, I remember anyway, there was moving parts, those two weeks up to this specific incident with the business and stuff like that, so we were like, talking through different things. I need to know which incident we're starting with.

I will go into it, you'll understand in a second. Um, and I remember being at dinner. And you had messaged me and said, Hey, when you get a second, give me a buzz. I've got to talk to you about something. And I hadn't got a chance to get back to you yet. And I was sitting at dinner and the Vox, our Voxer group, which is our mastermind chat went off and I just happened to get into it.

And all I read was like, Oh my God. Lauren. Lauren. Oh my God. What? And instantly I remember and I, I think I'll have full body chills and remember this moment for the rest of my life. So I remember like excusing myself and walking out and ringing you. And do you wanna go into that conversation of what had happened?

God, I feel like I've got like a mind blank. Was that when I posted that? Yeah, that was, that was when you let us know. That was mind blank. Was it a staff member leaving or my mum? No. No. That was when Oh, Sam. Fuck. Yeah, Sam. Oh my god. There's a thing, right? When you go through so many things in life So we'll just put that We'll just cut that out anyway.

What fucking month was it? That's the thing for last year, I feel like. Yeah, so So then Sorry. So that phone call came through and you had told me about Sam. Yeah. Okay, so Yeah, I just remember, so at this point, at the start of the year, going back into like late January, um, I just had a baby on the 19th of January, so I had my third little girl, Tully, um, she was a week and a half old, and I don't know if anyone remembers that, like when your baby's a week and a half old, and don't think anybody remembers it.

It is like a complete blur. You just wake up and you're like, did I sleep? Did they wake up? How many times did I feed? Like, have I showered? And for anyone else that's listening and hasn't heard Lauren's story, she's got also two other little girls as well. Yeah. She's my third. So, um, yeah, I remember waking up and I had two missed calls from one of my seniors, Holly, and I was like, Oh, that's really weird.

That like. She keeps calling me like I was a little bit and it was like nine o'clock at this point and usually I do check my phone But I think because I was so busy with you know, getting into the habit in the mornings with three kids I'm wasn't really on my phone that morning so I called her and she Like just was talking and like I just couldn't even understand what she was saying and she just kept saying to me Like I think Sam's dead and I just was like What?

Like Sam, I'm like, she just, she's at the salon. Like she, you know, my, um, staff member, Sam, who had worked for him for six years. Like she went to the salon every Monday for me. She did my stock ordering and like, she'd put it through the phones and she'd take the cell phone and do the messages. And, um, I was like, no, she's at the salon.

Like, what are you talking about? She's like, Lauren, there's been a boat accident. 38 year old has been taken to hospital. And my heart just like dropped. I was just like, I felt like I had an out of body experience. Like I was just like, didn't. you know those experiences in life where you like, you feel like you're just not there, like it's not happening, like this is a dream.

And I was like, okay, okay, okay. And then she sent me the photo of the boat in the accident, like we'd gotten it in the area of someone we knew. And I was like, oh my God, that's their boat. Like I just went into this like spiral of like knowing that this was real. And I knew deep down in my heart that it was real.

Like I knew. And I called Jess, my salon manager. She was going into the gym and she's like, Lauren, it's not her, like relax. She was like, it's not her. Like, and I'm like, Jess, like, I think it's her. And then at that point, she was like, let me contact someone I know in the police force. Um, and then she's like, she went and did a gym class because she just wouldn't believe it.

She was in, like, denial. So she went and did a gym class and later on that week, she's like, I can't believe I fucking went and did, and did that gym class. She's like, I knew that it was her, but I was telling you it wasn't, but I was just in this denial, like, and she just kept, it's almost like she went and ran about her own day.

Cause her and Sam was so close. Um, outside of work as well. She actually, like. In, they introduce them with each other and their partners sort of thing. So yeah, she was just in complete denial. Anyways, she called me back like an hour later and then I decided getting, like, like to confirm it was her, like legally, like obviously a police officer can confirm that for you, whereas when people are calling you saying it's someone that's passed away, you're like, is that like, it's just a bit of hearsay, Chinese whispers kind of thing.

It gets You started calling her phone or the girls that started calling her phone? Yes, so, so I started calling her phone. Sam was like always on her phone, like she was the first in the group chat, if I ever needed anything, like she was the first one to be like, yeah, this is it. So I put, I tagged her name in the group chat.

She didn't open it. She didn't respond. I then called her, her phone went straight to message bank. And I just was like, I had a one week old baby in my arms. I had two toddlers and I just started spiraling. I was in the, I remembering being in the front yard. And then my husband called me and he's like, Lauren, they're saying someone from the young blonde.

Like one. I think maybe whoever worked on the scene knew that it was someone that worked for me. And what was going around was someone from the Young Blondes passed away. Like, that was kind of how people were connecting it. They weren't sometimes sure who. So my husband was calling me and then I just kept getting phone calls from everyone.

Like, and then I was just like, holy fuck. Like, but then until someone told me that it was her. Like, legally, I just don't think I could process it. I was still in an out of body experience at that point and I just remember being in the front yard and Jess called me and she said it's her and I literally dropped to my knees and I just started wailing and screaming like I will never, ever, like, forget that moment.

And Oh my god, I said I wasn't going to cry. Remember at the beginning of this episode, that you're like, I'm not going to cry. And I was like, let's see five minutes in how we're all feeling. She was like 32 years old, and you just go back to, she had a whole life

I'm not just saying this, but truly one of the best humans I knew and everyone will count that for her. Like, well, you could see that in the outpouring. Oh, she had 800 people on her online. Like, so we, um, her best friend had live streamed the funeral. She had 800 people watching and there was like nearly 500 people at the funeral.

Like it was, and she had lived in Australia for 10 years. So that's like, you know, lived in the Hawkesbury only half of those times. So like, she was so loved that she was a St. John ambulance, like. Even when I, yeah, dedicated her own time, not getting paid. Like, you know what I mean? She was a volunteer. Yeah.

Even when I watched her on your stories, she always had this light about her. Yeah. So I, I remember that being like, please don't like, I remember her on your stories. Like she was really distinct out of everybody for me. Like how she spoke and like her softness. And she was just like, came across like the sweetest.

I always, she was one staff member and that I always could say that if I had lost her, I would be devastated. And it's not because she was a good hairdresser or because she was like good at what she did, like she was, but she was so good to me. Yeah. She always had my back. She always Was good for me outside of work.

I remember in between Christmas and New Year, like I just renovated my house and she messaged me the day after we finished work. She's like, me to come help you clean the house? Like to, to me, cause we were moving in on Christmas Eve back into our house. We just renovated. She's like me and Brenna will come back.

Her partner will come and help you clean. like, no, like enjoy yourself. Like she was just always putting others before herself. That's the type of person she was. And she's got a really beautiful mother who I still talk to. And she was a hairdresser as well. And she, I, she gets that from her, like, you know, like the work ethic and the.

Like, yeah. So she was literally just incredible. And I'm not, I'm not just saying that like, and anyone who knew her will say the same thing. So that's a massive loss. Obviously we know how you navigated this, but let's talk a little bit into how you navigated this. I, Because the thing was, is it's not, like Lauren was, and this is the conversations that we had a lot because I was there just to love you and that was it, um, because Lauren couldn't, she had a brand new baby, she couldn't grieve this herself because she was managing grieving humans within her business and also then still manage, like having to manage the fact that it was vital that her business kept running.

Yeah. You know, because she has a business to run and also dealing with not only the emotions of all her team that were close to her, but also all of the clients. And that was huge to me. Sam had a huge clientele in her clients. Weren't just her clients. Like, you know, those hairdressers that like you could do anything to their hair and they would still love it.

Like she had a relationship with each and every client. And the first thing I could think of was I need to look after her clients. Like my staff were number one, like I need to look after the, like for them, but I need to make sure these clients are okay. And like, that was going through my head too, because I knew that the bond between them was so strong and I knew how devastated so many people would be.

So I went into like straight, like, I feel like. Even now I don't even think I've actually properly grieved her because I've literally been looking after everyone else and every other situation in my life. So I've started seeing someone now about it, which I think is really important to talk about. Um, grief is such like, a deep emotion and I think if you don't talk to someone about it, you will carry it through with you for the rest of your life.

Yeah. And you, I'm not saying you never do, you always will carry it with you, but in a positive light, whereas I think if you don't talk about it and you know, use those tools and utilize them, you carry it through in a, not a very good way. Agreed. And I also think it's so important to say that she wasn't just a staff member.

She was one of also your closest friends. So. You know, you were dealing with grieving with a staff member, but you also, it was your, like, you wanted to be in a puddle, like, you wanted to lose your person. So important to me and not even just in my business, but in like my personal life. Like, you know, I remember when she was going through a bit of a hard time.

Like I was like, come and live with me. Like you can have my spare room. Like, like we had a different, You know what I mean? Like I, and it was weird, I think because she had come from the UK and my family had like, my parents had come from the UK, me and my mom always had this real soft spot for her too, because we just wanted to look after her and nurture her because she didn't have her family here.

Yeah. So. It's almost like I had that connection with her from that. So I always wanted to make sure she was okay. And we just got along really well. Um, so yeah, that was, yeah. So you grieve like your friendship, you grieve a staff member, but then you also go into like, okay, how are we going to navigate this?

I've got, you know, six girls, I think at the time that they were also close with her too. Like, and she was like the heart of our salon. Like, you know, like she was the positive one. She kept like everyone positive. Like, so I think. That was a big blow there. So it's like, what do I do? So the first thing I was just like, I need to get the girls counseled.

Like I need a clearance counselor. And my manager and a few girls had said that, and it was in my brain. I'm like, yeah, perfect. Like let's organize this. And it was a really good thing that we did. Like we all sat down, I think the day after she died or the next day. Um, and we all went to the salon, we spoke and it really just helped us to learn about how we were all individually grieving too, because not everyone grieves the same.

Yeah. Um, you could grieve completely differently to how I grieve. So we all need different things. And it all went back to like our traumas in life too. Like some people, you know, grieve differently because of the traumas that they had been through as a child or, you know, whereas I feel like I grieve And I've done it a lot.

lost a lot in my life, so I'm like a person that wants to look after others. And I was probably the best person in that position to look after the girls because it wasn't an area in my life that I didn't know. Like, I was very familiar with it. And you knew how you wanted people to nurture you and your grief, and therefore you were able to nurture others in their grief.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, my mom had taught me that, like, my mom, like, had taught me that. Yeah. Like I'd been through instances and I was guided, like I've been raised like that. And I feel like that really helps to have a parent that is emotional. And, you know, because some people don't get that. Some people, you know, aren't used to that and that's okay because some people haven't really experienced anything bad in their life, right?

Like everyone is so different and I'm learning that now. Like it's the biggest lesson I've learned this year. That's like really helped me. Sometimes people aren't going to. Cope or deal with things the same way that you will, and that's okay. So then, um, and then you had like, keep going on to what the steps you took.

Yeah. So I think I put in a box where I was like, What the fuck do I do? Like I was like, yeah, and I think I wrote like, I, I grievance counsellor and I even think I wrote like, hopefully this never happens to anyone, but you know who to call, like, you know, like it was a whirlwind. Um, so we closed the salon pretty much that whole week.

I think we reopened, it happened on the Sunday and I think we reopened on maybe like the Friday, but it was also important to me for the girls and me. To not keep it too long because I felt like the longer you left it, the harder it was going to be to go back in. And I'm all about let's rip the band aid off.

Like, we need to rip the band aid off. And everyone needs the structure and the Yeah, and I've also got six girls and I need to employ and keep them paid and keep the salon running. And at this point I'd lost a lot of staff members previously. So I literally lost half my team, um, in a space of like three months.

So financially the salon wasn't doing great. Um, and so when this had happened, I was like, I need to keep, I needed to put my business hat on as well as my personal hat and my grieving hat, my boss hat, like every hat I had to put on because I was like, I could easily I'm just going to remind everyone, she has a one and a half week old baby at this point as well.

And two toddlers. And two toddlers at this point. Like it's, you're going through all of that with all the hats, but you're also a brand new baby just came out of your vagina. Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah. And your hormones like are so all over the place. I honestly like look back and I'm like, how the fuck did I survive?

Like, how did I? Like I literally, and I think it's important to give yourself a pat on the back sometimes. Oh, for sure. Because you know, people doing, sometimes I think when you don't give yourself a pat on the back, that's when you can spiral mentally. So I think now I'm like really good at being like, you know what?

You did that. Like, that was you, like not everyone could do that. Like, and it's because I was raised the way I was. And it's because I have the tools in my head. the way of like, it's okay to, you know, have breakdowns. I'm not saying that's not okay, but I've been raised a certain way that it's almost like I've been prepared for this or something.

I think though, the most important thing here, if anyone is listening and, and struggles, is Lauren, and Jen and I, but Lauren, her mum was a psychologist, so Lauren is so pro help, and you can hear it in all of this. Psychologist for the Ed. grief counsellor for the team. You were with psychologists. Your mum was a psychologist.

Like you were very proactive in getting, I cannot do this myself. This is not my expertise, but I can bring people in and hire people to help support me. Yeah. And we've got to remember that the stigma around that. Really has to change because if you fall over and break your leg, no one is going to judge you if you go to the hospital and get a cast on it, right?

Because something needs support. Yes. Your bone needs support to heal. And it's exactly the same when it comes to emotion and mental health. Like. You still need support. Yeah, and that's I think a point that is so, like I know mental health is really big nowadays and like some people, you know, struggle to deal with maybe a child or something because it wasn't back in their day.

They were just told to, you know, move on and get over it. But I think because of my mum, it was different for me. Yeah. Um, and I had been through a lot like that. I'd been through grief before a lot and I'd been through like my parents got divorced and all those sorts of things. So from a young age, I knew about all those sorts of things, but sometimes like, yeah, like me losing my mom and Sam and like dealing with the team and stuff.

I realized not everyone copes with things the same way because we haven't been raised the same way. So it should be positive in that way. So for those that, and again, I urge you, if you haven't listened to Lauren's first podcast, go and listen to it. But for those who haven't, because we just mentioned your mum, um, Who did you lose first this year, Sam or your mum?

Sam. Sam. Yeah. Okay. So we'll talk about. When I talk about the amount of grief and like the resilience you have. Yeah, we're not talking about. How you've walked. It's not just. Yeah. You know, like this, every solenoid right now is like what happened with Sam is your worst nightmare. Oh, it was a freak accident.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I want to say. Yeah. Like, I feel like we haven't really touched on that, but she died in a boating accident. So it was a freak accident. She had messaged me that morning, like, uh, you know, like it was all normal in her life. She literally woke up that morning not knowing what was going to happen to her.

And I think it's really important that I emphasize that too, that, you know, we need to live our lives so importantly because that's someone that I never thought would happen to like what happened to her. Um, and yeah, she obviously didn't think that was going to happen to her either. So. This was a freak accident.

I think that's what makes the situation a lot worse as well when someone's so young. Yeah, absolutely. Because it really just, and I think that's what it did to my staff members. It made them think, like, about their life and it made them think a lot about death. Like, you know, my youngest girl is 16 years old.

Oh, yeah. My first year apprentice has just lost her Um, so that's what I mean by everyone was so different in their grieving, everyone was different ages, some of them, you know, different life experience, yeah, like, yeah, yes. So I feel like that was a big thing, like there was so many people I had to nurture and make sure they were okay.

And I did my best, maybe not the best. the best you did, you know, but I did my best. All you can ever do is your best. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So then you had, um, you shut the salon until the Friday, opened the Friday, but then you had the funeral the following week, didn't you? Or was it on that Sunday? No, it was the following, I think it might've even been two weeks.

I helped organize and arrange it with her best friend and her partner at the time. Um, Yeah, I think because we were like, what are we going to do for her? Like, we need to do something for her body. Her parents want her body home. And that's like, I would a hundred percent be the same. I would want my daughter.

Um, so her body was getting sent home. So we're like, what can we do before her body gets sent home? So that's why we like quickly all helped her best friend and her partner pretty much hit the whole thing. And I helped in any way I could. Um, and yeah, we got the funeral done and it was really like beautiful.

Like it was incredible, but I remember getting in the car and And just thinking to myself, my head feels like it's gonna explode. Yeah. And I, everyone that I spoke to that day was just like, they had the worst headache because I think it just was like so tragic and it wasn't just like, you know when you get all someone that's older and it's like they were ready to go?

Like yeah. Everyone was just, it was tragic. So everyone's heads just like hurt. You know what I mean? And I just remember feeling that out of body experience again. 'cause it's like, how are we even here? You know what I mean? Yeah. Um. So yeah. So then the few, like we helped organize that and then the funerals then.

Um, and we worked in between that we did like a, um, so she was a PT as well. So we did like this, um, her boss at activate, which is a gym that she like worked at, he reached out to me and he was like, I want to do like a. like a combat class like and we all exercise and so we did it at like our local club like a RSL and he had like got the room out and we all did like a combat class.

I couldn't really do it because I just had a baby and I was about to wet myself. But um, it was like incredible. the vibe in there and like she would have just like loved it we all dressed in her favorite color was like orange like burnt orange so everyone had like a bit of orange on and like we shut the salon for a night for that it was like really incredible so we did lots of things you know on her and i would love to and you did the same thing at the salon right you had Like it was the salon, the salon, the salon.

Yeah. So we had like, people just kept putting flowers at the front window. I think it's actually started with her brother in law. They brought like her favorite flowers, a sunflower and it's crazy. At the time we were thinking about like what a flower did, what sort of flowers she loved, and then it was actually, My first apprentice, she had messaged me.

I put all the girls that used to work for me and had worked for her in a chat because we did like a tribute to her at the water. Yeah. Um, where the accident was. We all visited the accident like the day after it had happened or the next day. I can't remember exactly. And all the girls that had previously worked for me, we all got together and we put photos and like flowers and all her favorite things.

Like we had like a fake tan bottle because she like baked in fake tan all the time. Um, and we all went to the accident site, which was hard, but we wanted like to put something there for her and um, yeah, so we just like, did so many different things and then the flowers kind of started and then like my apprentice was like she loved a sunflower and I think at the time you knew all her favorite things but your mind was so blocked by remembering the important, do you know what I mean?

Like you could remember things but then some things were really hazy so then everyone started bringing sunflowers they would like, they made, you should And we're just seeing some of the things like we had people that were just clients of the salon. Some of her, a lot of them were hers, but someone just ran into, they would draw beautiful pictures of her.

We have in the salon now, we had this lady do like we she's got written on our window. So just like this window here, it says Sammy, our brightest light. And it says like her date of birth and when she passed away, like, and it's just permanently on our window. Um, but there was hundreds of flowers. Like. I mean hundreds like it was insane and her mum just kept writing to me saying like that is like incredible like to see that for her daughter.

If you think about though that's like that one place and our salons represent that in the biggest way is that one place that they were their spirit is there. I felt like she was with me. Yeah, it's just like so of course that was the place where everybody can like as you said. Yeah. Everybody associated, someone from the Young Blonde has passed, like you are, it's a small town, you are a prominent business in a smaller town where everyone knows everyone.

So the fact that, you know, that could be a place kind of thing, which held that was so, and also probably helped you guys through the grief to feel like connected as well, like to keep connecting into the salon, like this was her place and this is us and this is, Like, we get to, yeah. Yeah, experience that.

And she You know like when you do something nice to someone, like sometimes people can appreciate it or they don't. She always appreciated it and she would always send me these messages. And I took all the girls to Byron for our Christmas party last year and we had the best, like, weekend. And she sent me this message and she just said how, like, she feels like family and the Salem's like her home.

And because she's away from her home, how important the Salem felt for her. So I felt like me actually Going back to work was how I felt connected with her. Um, and I felt like she was almost with me and some weird things would happen like our power went off for like a few seconds and then it would come back on and we'd be like, Sam, like, so like that first like couple of days back, it was like we needed that.

Yeah, like we actually needed that in order to, like, help ourselves. Yeah, we needed each other. Yeah, we needed to be around each other. Whereas when you're at home, you're just like sitting in your own thoughts, right? Yeah, we needed that distraction. We needed that connection with each other. I think it was really important.

How did you, how did you go with your team? Like, how did they navigate it? Um, they still don't. I actually had a conversation with one of my girls not that long ago and she's like I really think we need another session with a grievance counsellor and I agreed to it and I'm going to be honest with you, like, full transparency, I haven't organised it, but you understand why, because the next part, like, I've also been through my own issues and there's a point where you, can be there for others, but then there's a point where you get to where you actually have to be there for yourself.

Because if you are not there for yourself, you cannot be there for anybody else. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You told me that. Yeah. I was like, Oh, I'm so proud right now because I honestly, and it was our job on, it was my job on the other side, literally just to be there for you, but hand over heart, if I hadn't learned the tools off you in the last two years, I would have been fucked.

Like, I would have been, yeah, it wouldn't have been good. Um, and I mean that from like, I've done so much work on myself, you know, like to get to that point of being like in my business. So, yeah. Like being on top of it. And I think when you do the work on yourself and then bad things happen during your life, like, like, Oh my God, what would I have done if I wasn't this person, you know, like what, how would I have carried these people?

How would I have navigated like a situation like that? If I wasn't good within myself. Right. So, so many bad things that happened in those last few months. Like, and I think I actually remember the day that, so when Sam passed away, all my goals at work for me. Showed up, like the ones that had left, they showed up, like, they were like, can we come over?

And I was like, of course, like, my house is yours. Like, I wasn't in the position to be, like, calling people. I was, like, I called Sam's mum to tell her she'd passed away. Like, I was fucked. Like, that phone call for me, even, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, is tell someone that they've lost their daughter.

For me, I was like, I needed to do that. That was like me looking after her mum and me and her mum have such a connection. And even having her mum, and I know I'm the same for her mum, like we still talk like most weeks. I feel like we've had each other and it's really helped us both. Like, cause when I talk to her, it's like I've got a bit of Sam to help me.

You know what I mean? Yeah, but she would feel exactly the same. Yeah, and it's, we know we have like, you know, I haven't lost my daughter, which I, but like, you know, I've lost my mum and my mum was like, um, yeah. Um, and I'm lucky that I had my mum through Sam. Rich, we need some tissues back here. Um, but yeah, so I think, yeah, like it's really important.

Yeah. To always constantly like look after yourself because you never know what's around the corner from you. Like you never know what you're going to wake up and deal with the next day, like ever. Um. So yeah, so that was Oh God, what are we even talking about now? So, we were talking about So, we were talking about having to call Sam's mum.

Yeah, yeah. And having the tools to get through some of the stuff you've been through. Yeah, so I think that first day that she passed away, like, I wanted to care about maintaining those two girls. One of my girls was at TAFE and there was that 16 year old. Like, I wanted to call them to tell them because that was my job as their boss.

They needed it to come from me. And one of my girls was at TAFE and I said, just leave. Um, and she goes, can I, like, can I come to yours? And I'm like, of course. So most of my team came to mine. Like one of my, my apprentice that I said about Sunflower was like, she's like older now, but she just drove to my house.

Didn't even message me to say, can I call? Like everyone just showed up. People showed up with food. Like there was flowers being like, it was just like my house became that safe space for all of us that day, which was really good. We had each other. But again, it shows the testament to who you are as a leader and how you lead your family.

Because. The first person that they wanted to be with in this instance was you. And they're the only ones that I wanted to be with too. I feel like, yeah, we all were in the same pain. Like we just want to be together. So that day, um, I feel like we need to now talk a little bit about my mum. Agreed. Um, because it connects a little bit with this day.

So, my mum got, if you've listened to the previous episode, my mum got diagnosed with terminal cancer about a year ago now. Yeah. It probably is. No, over a year ago now. She's been, yeah, she's passed away four months ago, yeah, so over a year ago now, she got diagnosed in July. Um, and that day, so, when my mum first got diagnosed, I had, like, had to leave her that hospital that night and I just called her best friend that lives in Scotland, so my mum's from Scotland, and I called her best friend and I was like, you need to come out here, they've been best friends since they were five years old, they live next door on the same street, she'd never been to Australia in like the 40 years that my mum lived here, I'm like, I'll pay for you to come out, like, you just need to come out, like, it needs to happen, like, My mum's going to die, like this will like be her bucket list, you know what I mean?

So she's like done. So I planned for them to come out and they came out in the Feb. And they arrived on the Friday and Sam died on the Sunday and they were staying with us. Oh my gosh. Yeah, um, I don't think I've even really talked to you about this. They were staying with us for a month. So I had a one week old baby.

I was catering for like two people at my house. Um, they were like living in my mum's granny flat. And then my mum moved in the house with us because we had built, when my mum got diagnosed, we built her a granny flat to live with us. Um, and Yeah, like, it was just, I felt so sorry for them. I felt so sorry for my mum because I just, I just felt so overwhelmed.

And I remember that whole month, I just was really snappy and I was really angry. Like, I think I was just angry at the world. I was like, why is this happening? Like, why has this happened? I think when someone so young passes away or like, you know, your parent gets diagnosed with a terminal illness, you're just like, why?

You get really angry. Yeah. And I think it's important to like, Say that grief goes through so many stages and anger is one of the biggest parts of grief that no one talks about. Like it eats you alive, no matter how good your mental health is or how good you are or how you, you know, you've set yourself up like anger just riddles you.

Yeah. Like, and it makes you bitter and yeah, like you can come out of the other side of it. I think you can go back into it in stages too, but anger is really big and it's something that I'm really working on at the moment. Like in that. like one emotion. It's probably been the worst for me. But my mum, that morning I had Tully, she was one and a half weeks old.

And I always took my mum to her oncology appointment. So my mum didn't have a partner or anything. So I was like a primary carer and I always took her to our oncology appointments. And I know this sounds silly, but it's almost like I always just wanted to know myself where it was at. So when she got diagnosed, I was there.

It's almost like, so she had, the oncologist had told me my mum had a year, but then when we got in the car, it's like my mum just, Wouldn't accept anything. Does that make sense? Yes, absolutely. She was like, she never told me I had a year to live. I'm like, mum, she told you you had a year to live. Like I'm a very like black and white person.

Like there's no gray with me. I tell it how it is. So I feel like for me, I'm like, I don't want my mum to go to these appointments by herself and tell me lies. Yeah. Not that she's like that as a mother. Not tell her lies, but just tell her version of the truth. But it's almost like she sheltered the truth from what, like this one Colleen just said, With your, like, my mum's had a kidney transplant, a liver transplant, like, in the last, well, the kidney transplant, 17 years ago, but she had a liver transplant three years ago, and then was diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer, like, two years later.

So, she's, like, been through a lot, but I think cancer was just, like, for her, it was just, like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, my mum was a good person. She devoted her whole life to look after other people as a psychologist. Like, how does that even happen to someone like that? Yeah. You know, like, and this is where the anger stems from, you know, like.

Also, and then you're also dealing with the grief of how was someone like Sam taken as well. Yeah, exactly right. Yeah. So it's just like a, yeah, grief. Can be so many different emotions, but anger is something that no one talks about enough and it's sad because until you go through something in your life You never understand the pain that someone could go through like agreed I had three beautiful kids and I still have three beautiful kids But I'm meeting this in past tense like there was moments where I just didn't want to be here anymore.

Yeah, I have three children I think the pain of like, losing people so close to you just makes you think, what's the point, you know? Like, and you think, but then you have to like, pull yourself out of reality to be like, I'm, I need, like, I've got a family, like, I've got children and I need to do that for them.

They don't have that opportunity anymore to live, but I still do. Yeah. And until that day comes for me, I need to, live for them because they've been robbed of it? And how would they be looking down on me if I was just sitting there depressed every day, right? Like, they would be ropeable. I know Sam would be the same.

This has been one of the biggest strengths that I've seen in you is your ability to have, through all of this, to like, keep showing up in moments of joy, even when you don't want to. And just like, even this weekend was an example for that for me. I really felt myself this weekend. Yeah. Like I haven't been like that.

I haven't laughed. I haven't smiled like that in such a long time. I just felt like you were Lauren and you also got to like remove all the boundaries of all the other stuff. You weren't Lauren, the business owner, Lauren that had lost her mom, Lauren that had lost, like you just got to be. playful. Yes.

Lauren. Yeah. Like we were talking about it in a child and now I'm a bit of a thrill seeker and doing things like I, yeah, like I got, like, we spoke a lot about that. And just, I think too, you and we had discussed this more than anything, you just needed someone to take care of you for a minute because you take care of everybody else.

You took care of your whole team. You took care of your mum her whole life. Like, I'm like, at moments we need, to be mothered. We need someone to take care of us. We need someone just to take over. Sometimes, sometimes I think people don't know how to help you and it's like, just take over. Just take over.

Yep. That's the only way I would explain it to anyone that's gone through things. Sometimes just don't even give them an option. Don't feel like you're overstepping. You do what you think is like, and that's what you've done. You guys have done for me this weekend. I think it's also a reminder to those people who are around, people that are going through, stages of grief, that making sure that you remove yourself from the picture about how someone is behaving.

Yeah. Because it's actually got nothing to do with you. Yes. If they're angry, if they, it's not to do with you, it's to do with them and how they are feeling and how they are processing. And the best way to support someone is to understand that. Yeah. And know that, and also to be able to ask like I, yeah, like, and be able to say like, I don't know what you need right now.

Like, my MO is to cook or clean or, but that may be not what you need. So like, yeah, I'm here. What do, is there, is there something? Do you need something from me? Is there something I can do? 'cause everyone says, let me know if you can do anything. Like, I'm gonna do something. So you tell me what it is. Yeah.

Because I'm gonna do something no matter what. So, and I think it needs to be like that too, because. It's, as we've discussed, if you say, just let me know if you need something, no one's going to do it. No one's going to reach out. No one's going to. Yeah. So if you're like, tell me what you need and I will make it happen.

And I'm not going to stop until you tell me what you need. Otherwise I'll just show up and do all the things you need in all the different ways. Because I think what people need to realize, like not everyone feels grief the same, but when you, the harder you love, the more you grieve. So. Yeah. For me, like, I grew up with a mum, you know, the first time I had, did the deed, I told my mum, like, the first time I had a boyfriend, like, I told my mum, the first time I did anything, me and my mum had this relationship, like, she was my person, like, if I ever had a problem, I got in the car and I called my mum, like, it wasn't Drew, it was my mum, like, mine was my husband, but it was my mum, so for me, losing that person, you know, Not having that, like, you're not just losing your mum, like, you know, you're losing your person.

Yeah. I think when we go through problems in life, we always need that one person, right, to fall back on and to, like, be able to just explode on them and tell them our problems and whatever. So, for me, it was huge because, I lost, I was like going through one of the deepest pains. I still am like, and that's, I think, really important to captivate grief doesn't end.

No. Grief has only just really begun for me. Yeah, there's no time frame. There's no, yeah. Like I think when people die, a friend's there for you and then, you you're like, no, that was the best part about it. This is the worst. All those firsts afterwards. Yeah. It's almost like you're in another, you're on another planet.

And I explained that to people. I was like, I felt like I just lived on another planet, but I wasn't even here. Yeah. That's how it felt. I felt like when I would walk that my feet weren't even touching the ground because I just felt like my body wasn't here. It was so strange. Um, and I think, yeah, like I didn't have that anymore.

Yeah. deepest pain and like anyone who's experienced losing not only like maybe a parent, but they're like their person. Yeah. The pain is so deep. Like it's, you just want someone to take it away. Like it is so powerfully deep. Like it's indescribable. So people, until they go through that themselves, they never, they're never going to realize, do you know what I mean?

And I think for me, I was like going through this pain and I just, yeah, like it. Can we talk about how soon after losing Sam you lost your mum? Yeah, sorry, I was getting sidetracked but that's what I was talking about. So the day that my mum's, so my mum's best friends came out and they were like, we'll take your mum to her appointment.

You've just had a baby. You just have a day at home with the girls. And I was like, thank you. Like, that's what I needed. Like, I was sad because it was, that was the only appointment I hadn't had never been to with my mom. So I was devastated, excited where to take her. I knew where, like, I knew that she needed to be weighed on.

Like I was like, knew everything and I'm so in control as a person, but I needed that, that day. And I'm so glad. Imagine finding out Sam had passed away in the car with my mom. Oh my gosh. So when Sam passed away, the first person I called was my mom. Yeah. And I was like, please tell me you had good news at your appointment.

And she's like, because she had a, so when you get diagnosed with cancer, they scan you every three months, depending on. So my mum had had her first, so she was on like a chemo tablet, um, and she had her first scan. And like, it was terminal, but they were like, this tablet may give you more life, you know, like may stop the cancer.

Cause kidney cancer is the slowest growing cancer. So I'm like, please tell me some good news. Like I told her, so I asked her the good news first before I told her Sam had passed away, because my mum loves Sam. So I knew she'd be devastated. So I wanted to like, make sure she didn't. bend the truth to me.

Like, so I said to her, please tell me you've got some good news. Like how would you scan? She's like the cancer hasn't spread again. So this was now two scans that she had had that her cancer hadn't spread. And I was just like a life for a life. Like that's what I was just thinking like in my head kind of thing.

It was weird. And I was like, that's so good mom. Like, I'm so happy. My mom, her voice is like the positive in your voice was just like incredible. I was just so happy for her. And that was staying in the city for two nights. Yeah. But I was like, I have to tell my mom, like, I can't, like, I need my mom, like, I can't not tell my mom.

And then I just said, Sim's, Sim's dead. I just kept saying Sim's dead, Sim's dead, Sim's dead. And I was bawling my eyes out and she's like, what do you mean? And I'm like, she died in a, like, I was just like, she died in a boat accident that my mum just started bawling her eyes out. And she's like, I'm coming back.

Like, I'm like, no, stay in the city. Like, I want you to enjoy like your time with your friends, you know? And I'm so glad that I was so adamant about that because my mum died like three months after that. So, she. spent her time with friends and then she came home and she was good. She was there for me. Um, like just helped me through it all and things like that, which was good.

And I just had my person to like, you know, I would go into a granny flat at like 10 o'clock at night and just lay on her lap and cried over about it. So it was like, I had that. And your husband's like your husband, right? Like you can have a partner, but like your mom's your mom. I'm like, so grateful that like my mom was here when that happened.

I feel like that was like one thing that went in my favor. Yeah. Um, and then, yeah, so I just kept like going through, I feel like I threw myself into work, which is, and my mum knew like, I had lost so many like staff members. So this was, so I'd lost two, pretty much the previous year, like two, like two seniors.

And then same pathway, so that was three seniors. So I literally lost like half of my team. So I went back to work on Tully, was like two weeks old. Um, and I just took her into the salon with Indian clients because I was like, I've lost all these staff members. Like I'm about to lose my business if I don't like I need to get on the floor.

I need to be there with my team. I need to help them and make sure they're being the best versions of themselves and support them as well as I've lost three seniors and we've got always like clients that we need to do. So my mat leave. I think I came back to yourself a little bit though in that time. I threw myself into work and I like, I have regrets over it, but I think it's what I needed in order for me to like, I have regrets because I spent less time with my mom because in my head, I was like, I pictured that I was going to have Matt leave for like, I wanted six months off work.

And I was like, I'm going to spend the last six months with my mum and make sure we have the best six months. Like, that's what I had in my head. And I think I was so devastated because I had this plan, right. And it just didn't go to plan. And then when Sam passed away, I felt like a little bit angry that I was so obsessive over my mum dying, that like, I kind of.

Like lost the bigger picture of life that anything can happen to anyone at any day. Yeah. And that your relationships with everyone is so important. But I think I was just so captivated. By my mom dying, like I was obsessed with it. Like I was Googling how to save her. I was like, I'm taking you to Mexico.

Like I became so obsessive with it that when my mom died, it's almost like I resented her a little bit because I felt like I, I put so much into trying to keep you here and you still left me. Yes. And. Other people died in the process. Yeah. Um, and I'm being honest about that. Like, it's pretty fucked up that you can say you resented your mum, but I kind of did, you know?

So I feel like in those last few months of her life, I didn't give her what I wanted to because I was just so angry. Yeah, because you were grieving. Yeah. Meanwhile, your mum No one talks about that stage of anger, my mum understood it. You understood, your mother understood all of it, like nobody's business.

Me and my mum are actually bigger a little bit, which is like normal for us, like we were like sisters. You know those, I wore many hats for my mum, like I was like her mum sometimes, I was like her sister, like I knew every deepest darkest secret about my mum. Like some parents wouldn't even probably tell you.

The children that, but my mum like told me everything I told my mum, everything. So for me, I wore so many hats just for my mum, you know? So we had the hats of like, I could not talk to her for a couple of hours because I was angry with her. And then I'd go and be like, I'm sorry. Like, you know, like we had that relationship.

It wasn't just like, we were best friends all the time. We had it all, which I feel like is a real relationship because if you don't, if you can be, if you can think that you have a really close relationship with someone because you don't fight with them, that's not a real relationship because we got through it all, you know, we went through it all together.

So, I remember, like, one afternoon. She wanted a skylight in her granny flat, and this was a week before she died. She'd finally got a, we finally organized to get a skylight put in her granny flat for her. It's all she wanted. She wanted more sun in there. She'd been begging me for it for months, and I'm like, yep, we've told the guy, like he's taking ages, and I walk into the granny flat, I'm like, oh, it looks so good, mum, like I was so excited, and what no one talks about was, is when someone is terminally unwell and they're going through cancer or something like that, they're not the same person they were.

My mom was not the same person. My mom was like 39 kilos. She was the most positive person. She's like, I'm going to beat this. But deep down, she hated how she looked. She hated how she felt like she felt like she hated the fact that I had to clean up her incontinence on the ground and that I had to look after her.

She hated it. Yeah, she felt horrible, you know, like it's and that makes them angry too, you know? Yeah. And so she wasn't the same person. Because she's trying to stay positive for you too, but in, like, you think about if you're going through that, you're trying to stay positive for your children because the most important thing as a mother is your children.

But then there's a line of, like, I feel like I wish she was less positive so that, like, we could have really, like, She would have taken me more seriously like there was so many things So I took her to Bali last year on a holiday But like I wanted to do so much more with her with that, but it was almost like Laura I'm gonna be here for a while like slow down on it But I was just like no like we need to do all these bucket list things for you because yeah I just knew it was gonna be yeah, I just like I knew I knew What were you gonna say?

I can't remember I was talking about the skylight so she looked at me and she said Um, how much did it cost? And I'm like, oh, I don't know, I'll send you the invoice. She's like, why are you sending me the invoice? You can pay for it. And I just was like, I literally just looked at her and I walked out. I couldn't even deal.

And then my husband was in the granny flat and she goes to my husband. She's like, Lauren's just really stressed, isn't she? Like, she's, she's not coping well. She's like, but I understand. And then Drew came and he's like, your mum thinks you're the one with the issue. And I was like, It's on my bloody granny flat.

Like, I'm like, we're just like, you know what I mean? But my mum was never like that. My mum was the most giving, like money didn't phase her. Like, yeah, but she had almost just become so different in the end. Like her personality changed and the things changed. And then that was a good thing. grief in itself why she was sick because I was grieving losing my mum while she was still here.

Still here. I completely understand that and haven't experienced that and that grief of knowing that the person that you're talking to isn't the person that you loved. No. Like they're, they're so changed and I think it has a lot to do with. But then it's not their fault, it's not their fault. No, because they choose.

But then you get angry with them but then that's the resentment when they pass away. You're like, Oh, like, why was I like that? You were dying. Like, if that was me, I probably would have been tenfold worse. Like, literally. My mum was the strongest woman I've ever met in my whole entire life. It gives you those moments because you can look back and like, have a laugh at that thing.

Yeah, I can't believe I carried on like that. I just should have said to her, I'll pay the bloody thing. Like, realistically, like. Yeah, but then that wouldn't be your relationship. I know. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just, they're like the little regrets, you know, like that you have. You're like, why didn't I?

But because I was. Had been through so much that year, I just was like all these situations that had happened to me. I wasn't myself. I wasn't, it wasn't the real me. And then when I dealt with her, it was like, It just wasn't the same anymore. Yeah. So just when you can't get kicked enough, can you tell everybody where you were when we hit final moments?

Um, I was like, I need to have respite. Yeah. So Lauren had said this to me a few times, every time I organize something for me to try and get a moment. And it was just, Literally, it was like, like Murphy's law of the universe was just like fucking with you, like, I don't know why, but every single fucking time you were like, like, even the mat leave with Tully, you're like, I'm going to take six months, I'm going to do this, and the universe was like, no, yeah, like, And every single time I'm on my leaving coven with every time you planned, you know, each time that you had the babies, mom, some mom was diagnosed with something.

Like it was just, yeah, it was fucking ridiculous. Um, like anything really goes smoothly with any of my children. Like when I had Bowie, when my mom was, when Bowie was eight months, mom got diagnosed. Diagnose and need a liver transplant. So I actually drove an hour and a half each way for a whole year while my mum lived in a hospital bed.

And then I was pregnant at that same time with Hunter and then she got the liver transplant. So, and then when I was pregnant with Tully, she got diagnosed with cancer. So I've literally never had a child stressed out. Yeah. So then Lauren was like, I need. Just a minute of respite, like I just, I need to get away.

My love language is like, book me a holiday, and go away, and I'm good, like someone cook for me, someone make my bed, like that's what I need, like I holiday like at least twice a year, like it's my thing, so. Always has been, from the beginning you were like, holidays, um, me and Drew's thing, like we need it.

Yeah, and I booked it six weeks before I left, so my mum's cancer was, you know, stabilised, she was like skinny and like, You know, like, she was fading away, but she was, you know, she was okay. She was still driving every now and again. And I said to mum, like, I need to go to Bali. My mum was the type of person that was like, Yes, you need a holiday.

Like, you need to go. And then my mum got a pneumonia, like, the month. Prior, but pneumonia lasts a few weeks, as you know. And um, well, we thought she had pneumonia. I actually think it was just a misdiagnosis from a doctor. I think she was in heart failure. Cause pneumonia and heart failure are like very similar symptoms.

Anyways. And I said to mom that week, I think I'm going to get a carer to help me because like, this is becoming too much to me. Like I'm, you know, like. Cleaning her sheets, washing her clothes, cooking her dinner, cleaning her granny flat, like it was just Running a salon, raising three babies, having a newborn, grieving, like, my god.

Taking her to all her appointments, like it was a lot, and I'm lucky that I can get a lot done but I was getting to a point where I'm like, I'm fading away, yeah. Um, and I had been diagnosed with anemia like a few months before when I was pregnant, so I was physically not that great as well. Um, and she's like, yeah, book Bali.

So we booked Bali. And then the week before I left, I'm like, mom, I want to organize like someone to start like the week that I'm in Bali. I want to organize someone to come and like help you to clean the granny flat that, you know, spend time with you like three hours every week on a Friday because my mom loved like connection.

She loved talking and she's like, yeah, that sounds really good. So I'm like, I set the lady up to come on the Tuesday, like I found someone set up to come the Tuesday and I left for Bali on the Wednesday morning and the lady was like, yeah, I'll be here Friday. You know, like everything would be good. Like we'd set it up.

It was, I was like, So like relieved at this point, mom had just gotten over her pneumonia. Like she was feeling pretty good. She went out for like lunch that day. I'd taken her to appointments the day before to get a chest X ray and just to go to the physio. She was feeling really sore. So I took her to the physio.

When you get really skinny, when you're sick, all your bones hurt and your back, you know, everything just starts falling apart anyway. So she was like better. She was like on the men from what she'd been through with the pneumonia. So I was like, I'm going to Bali. I literally spent, as you know, packing for a holiday for like three kids.

Three kids. Yeah, so I spent, um, like two weeks prepping just to fucking pack to go to Bali. Anyways, and then I went to Bali and then spaced with my mum the first day. She was really good. She's like, I've been out with my girlfriends today. I've had a really good day. Like, she was really positive, really good.

Um, and then I facetimed her again that afternoon. She was really good. Like I made sure I checked in with her multiple times. And then the next day I facetimed her, she didn't answer. And it was like, we were out at dinner. And then when I got back, I was like, she hasn't answered me. And then I text her a message saying, are you okay?

And she just texts me back saying, I'm, I'm okay. And I knew something was wrong because my mom, like, she wouldn't want me to worry. Right? Like she would just. So I knew something was wrong. So then that night, um, the next morning we were going to Barley Zoo, took all the kids to Barley Zoo and she, I got a phone call.

Drew's dad had a, like, I was calling him and then my mum's best friend started calling me and I was like, this is really weird. And she called me, she's like, have you heard from your mum? She was meant to come to dinner with me last night and she never showed up. Like she never, like what's happened? Can I be messaging her and she hasn't been back anyways.

And then Drew's dad had called him saying, I just want to let you know someone's called me on the street cause we live across the road from my in laws. And he was like, Bernie's been taken in an ambulance. So then I'd finally gotten onto my mom and I said to the doctor, like what's happened? He's like, your mum's had a heart attack.

And I said, do I come home? And he said he kind of wouldn't really give me an answer and my mum's in the back going, I'm fine, I'm going to be okay, stay in Bali, have your holiday. Like, she was still with it enough at this point and I just didn't feel right about it. So when we got back, so we went to Bali Zoo for the day because they were still monitoring her and then we got back to hotel, like I booked flights for that night.

So I'd been in Bali for two days. Um, no, one night. And didn't even actually one night and two days and then so I literally have never packed a bag. Three kids. With three kids. Yeah. What? For three small children. So I'm like, as I'm packing this bag with a baby and two small children, yeah, I'm like, I'm like, In my head, I'm like, Oh my God, like, I just need to speak to a doctor again.

Yeah. And then my phone started ringing, it was mum, and it was a doctor in the end, and he said, I just want to let you know, your next of kin, your mum's, doesn't want to be resuscitated. Like, I needed to like, verbally sign a DNR, like, for her not to be resuscitated. And I was like, thank fuck I booked a flight, because it doesn't, I'm like, what's your opinion?

And he said, you need to get home. He's like, your mum's not going to make it. And I just, that was probably like, yeah, one of The worst days of my life. I was just like, I really needed this holiday. Fucking hell mum. And then my brother's in the Navy and he was in Nevada. On like a deployment. And so he, the Navy flew him home.

It took him two days. So the Navy like got him on a plane and flew him home. So me and my brother were both out of the country. Um, and so I got Again universe. Sick joke. What? Sick joke. Oh, it gets better. I feel like I have to tell this story for every, like, new mum. So we got to the airport, checked in all our bags, and then Tully needed a bottle, right?

I had just stopped breastfeeding, like, a few weeks prior. She needed a bottle, and I was, like, getting my little mystery out and my bottle, and then I was like, Drew, like, cause he helped me pack the bags. I'm like, where's the formula? I mean, sorry, where's the bottles? So I had the formula, I had the water, I'm like, where's the bottles?

He's like, oh my god, he's like, when I opened the bag, when I put it in the suitcase, he's like, I seen them in a bag, he's like, I put them in the wrong bag. So I spent the next hour not knowing if my mum's gonna make it, running around Bali airport asking every single mother if I could borrow their bottle and have it for the plane ride home.

Otherwise I was, she was starving, I couldn't have gotten on that flight. It took me an hour before mum, one mum said she actually had six bottles and she was like, I have one, two. Oh yeah, maybe I can give you one. I was like, Come on. You've got six. You're fine mate. So I just remember running around Bali airport wanting to scream I need to get home because my mom's dying and I need a bottle and this needs to happen now like someone fucking save me like get me a bottle every single balinese person was like No bottles in the airport like they had no chemist Nothing my husband was like i'm gonna go buy a yogurt pouch get rid of the yogurt and then fill it up with formula Like it was just like this whirlwind, so then we got on the airplane with three kids The flight was delayed like two hours, we didn't get on till midnight.

It was the worst flight I've ever experienced in my whole entire life. I didn't sleep. We had three children asleep on us. We got home straight to the hospital and my mum's like, I don't know what all the fuss is about. She's like. Everyone's saying I'm gonna die. She's like I'm not dying. She was just so like positive and like she was really bright when I first saw her and then the doctors were like I think your mum could maybe like make it through this and I was like, oh, okay Like they're like the cancer's gonna kill her.

Yeah, like if this is the case, why the fuck am I home from Bali? Yeah, and they're like, you know Like she's they just couldn't believe that someone who was that sick had had a heart attack and survived They were like they read my mum's face And I had a doctor actually come on in on his day off to see me to be like, your mum is incredible.

So they just couldn't believe that she was going to survive. So then I spent like the next day with her and um, Photos of the girls were there too. Yeah, like the girls saw her for the last time and I didn't want them to come back because then she started to deteriorate. And then that night I slept with her and I stayed with her and um, she, when you, so she had sepsis, a clot in her lung and a heart attack.

And when you have sepsis, and she's had this a few times in my life, which is really traumatic, you get delirium. Yeah. Um, and my mum became, the last night she became quite abusive and aggressive and she was trying to bite the doctor. She would wake up screaming and then she would become incontinent. This was the last of the And then I just couldn't sleep the whole night, so I hadn't slept at this point in like three days.

Three days. And I just kept holding her arm and she'd wake up, I'm like, it's, I'm here, like, you're okay, you're safe, you know? And she was like, what did, what did I do? What happened? And, like, people don't talk about trauma, but like, for me, that was so traumatising, you know? People don't talk about this stuff enough.

Um, you know, the trauma that you go through looking after someone that's dying. Yeah. You know, it's such a young age with young children and a business and there was a lot and I just remember messaging like, I called Drew, he didn't answer. It was like 3am, she kept having them and it was almost like, she was having like a stroke.

And then the delirium came and I kept saying to the nurses, like I was like, kind of like going to them, I think my mum's having a stroke. And they were like, no, she isn't, rah, rah. And then the next day. We got through it, she had two of those episodes, and we, that, like, I hadn't slept at all and then mum looked at me when she woke up and she's like, you haven't slept all night, and she's like, you need to sleep.

And I was like, okay, so I tried to sleep and I couldn't and then I just wrote this massive message, I remember in my girlfriend chat, just pretty much like, thinking about my mum as a child, like, you know, when you're a baby and your mum holds you and like, they change your nappy and then I was doing that for her.

Yeah. It's so like wild how that like comes back around. Like I was changing her nap in that hospital bed that night. Like I was holding her hand, telling her like it was going to be okay. And I think like it took me back to like, Oh my God, my mom did this to me as like a child. I wrote it in my group chat because I was just, I was honestly fucked.

That's the only way to describe it. Like I had slept in three days. Like I had to make, I had all these decisions on my shoulders. Like, you know, I didn't have like a dad or my mom's husband to talk to. Like it was me, my brother wasn't there yet. He was still on an airplane. Uh, you know, it was all on my shoulders.

So it was so overwhelming. And then the next day she, um, Got really bad and she looked at me and she's like, I have the worst anxiety. She's like, this is horrible. Like she was just so upset and I just had to look at them and say, could you give her something? So they gave her Valium and then that whole day she slept.

And then that night I said to my brother, I can't do that again with mom. Like it was traumatizing. I'm like, he got there that morning. I'm like, you need to take over tonight. And they had told us at two o'clock that afternoon, I said, do we need to do end of life right now? And they said, not right now.

We'll tell you when we need to do end of life. And I'm like, okay, so I need to go home and I need to actually sleep. I haven't slept in three days. And I think if I see my mom like that again, I would be put into a mental. Like I was, it was traumatizing, like traumatizing. And, um, I had a sleep. My brother came back with us for dinner.

Then he went home, like he had a shower and then he went back home. I mean, back to hospital and was with mom. And then he. He 11 o'clock saying, mom's having the same things that she was having last night. And he's like, she had one at eight o'clock and she's just having another one right now. So I literally jumped up and I think Drew even woke me up because I was so deep in his sleep because I was so tired.

And he starts like tapping me. He's like, when you go to the hospital, like when you go to the hospital, your brother's just messaged you. And we all got in the car, my in laws, we literally handed Tully out the window to my in laws while they were walking across the road to come and stay at our house. And then we drove and like, my brother called me and he was just like, she's gone.

So, she had done the same thing had happened that night and they'd sent her for a brain scan that night at 6 o'clock, but then it happened again at a couple of hours later, so it was almost like her body was just like ready to go. Yeah. And a doctor came and seen us the next day, he's like, your mum was just waiting for you guys.

That's all she was like, she was just waiting, like she was holding on, you know, and, um, my mum like left me this really beautiful video. that she had made through like her best friend in the video. She just, which I think is so important for everyone to hear. She was like, I just want you to be a good human, like be good to people, be a good human.

And she's like, and don't let the little things in life get you down. And I always think about that. I always think about like, At the end of the day, like, you know, we always get stuck, even as salon owners, we get like angry for stuff and we've had a sick day or we get angry about that. Like, but really it's like nothing.

It's like nothing in the big scheme of things. Like our life is like. So important like we're living so I feel like now and especially this weekend like finishing mastermind I'm like felt might have yourself. I'm like, I need to live for my mom Like I need to like be better for my mom. Like I need to do this to my mom I need to make her proud like it's really made me like want to enjoy my life more and like I'm finally getting out of that stage of anger and grief and I'm like coming to like I need to live my life, my life the best possible way.

Yeah. You need to get back to Lauren. Yeah. Yeah. I just hear my mum telling me that, you know, in my head. All the time, and I think the same for Sam, like, I need to live for her because she's been robbed of that opportunity. Because she's been robbed of that opportunity. Yeah. 100%. Lauren's, Lauren's going to start to get her pink back.

She is going to start to get her pink back. There's that story that it's like such a beautiful story about like, How when, um, and this I think goes into all these things, but when flamingos have their children, they lose their pink because they literally give their pink. They give all their pink to their children, to the people that they're caring for.

And I think you did that in so many facets, not just for your children, but for your kids. Yeah. And I think I lost myself since I've had kids because not for the kid part. I had to look after my mum for like, since I've had kids really, like she's been so unwell. So for me, I was just giving constantly to everyone, my team, like my staff, like just training them and giving to my clients and giving to my, you know, my children and giving to my mum.

It was like, I lost myself in that process. So now I feel like, I don't know. You know, like, I know my mum's passed away and it's the last thing I want, but it's like, that's one weight off my shoulders. And I know that my mum's given me that strength to be able to live my life the way that it should be lived now.

Yep. So now that you've done you slowly as they grow up, you start to get your pink back. So for anyone listening, if you're in the thick of it, there is the other side. Oh, babe, if you, I just, honestly, like, it's just been like such a, on this side of it, it's been such a fucking honor. Oh, it's a privilege. It is such a privilege to watch, navigate, and see who you are as a person.

And do life with you. It's such a privilege because, It's not like this, even for me, like this mastermind and being together and working together like we have, but like, we also have such a deep friendship. Um, and in just different ways, like the last time you came out, we, I did your hair and then I was like, We were meant to go out for dinner.

I was like, I really want to go to the movies. And Lauren's like, fucking same. So we just like, picked my kids up, went to my house, went to the movies, sat there like two slobs, drinking our frozen cokes and eating our popcorn and then lollies. And like, and then I was just like, I feel so Like, that was like one of the worst weeks of my life that week as well.

And you just like saved me through that. I feel like, I think we save it. You became, you were my mentor, but you became my friend and you helped me through that. Like I just, I needed saving that week. That was the same thing though. I've had moments through this journey and like Lauren won't even like Lauren's like, there's more, what's got like, there's more to this, what's going on.

I, and I've got you and I'm, I'm going to be here as well. So the joy of doing this life together and being able to like, support you through the most horrific year that anyone could possibly have has been such an honour because there is no one that I know that has more strength or resilience, resilience or kindness than you do in your body.

And I think we're also just so grateful that you found the strength to share your story because I think that there's just so many parts of your story that are so powerful and People need to talk about it. No, and I think that's like one thing with me that like, I'm a very open book. Like if someone came and asked me something, I would be like, yep that's how it was or that's how it is.

And the reason I do that is because I think I'm like one, Little tiny fish in this big ocean. Yeah, so many people that go through so many horrible things and for me I know the feeling when you're going through something horrible you feel so alone and knowing that you're not alone. Yes You feel so alone.

No one tells you how lonely it is. Yeah, and that's another reason Like I was saying before when you know, you're in a deep pain the loneliness is what makes you um, uh, um, feel like you can get out of it because no one else is with you through it. It's like when you own a salon and we're a part of this mastermind group, right?

We now have each other so we don't feel alone. We feel in it together but when you're going through something personal, you know, it's very rare that someone has the exact same story as you with the exact same time in your life. So then you need to like the best people for me. Which was the opposite to what I ever thought was a lot of my clients that had lost their parents They became a really good sounding.

Yeah, I mean like one of my clients Annie She had lost her mom her mom had literally passed away the weekend that my mom got diagnosed with cancer So for me, I watched her through her story and she helped me through mine, which was really amazing So it's the people that sometimes you don't think are gonna be like even you like that aren't gonna They're the ones that shop for you the most, the people you least expect.

Oh my gosh. Guys. So we're going to do a podcast, part three with Lauren, of the year that Lauren experiences the most amount of joy in her fucking life. Yeah. Sounds good. Because she deserves, she's done now. She just only deserves joy and happiness and abundance because you are the most beautiful person and salon owner and mother and wife and daughter.

So many hats. So many hats. And you wear them all so beautifully. Love you guys. Love you darling. Thanks so much for coming on and sharing your story. You are welcome. Thanks so much guys.